acclaim for stephen chbosky’sthe perks of being a wallflower“Charlie’s loving instincts are very strong. Again and again throughout the book he exhibits purewisdom we all like to read about and witness. And Stephen Chbosky doesn’t let us down. Thelanguage is plain and springy and blunt… In this culture where adolescence is a dirty word, I hopenothing bad ever happens to this [protagonist].”—LA Times“Charlie, his friends and family are palpably real… [he] develops from an observant wallflowerinto his own man of action.… This report on his life will engage teen readers for years to come.”—School Library Journal, starred review“Chbosky captures adolescent angst, confusion, and joy as Charlie reveals his innermost thoughtswhile trying to discover who he is and whom he is to become. Intellectually precocious, Charlie[’s]…reflections… are compelling. He vacillates between full involvement in the crazy course of his lifeand backing off completely. Charlie is a likeable kid whose humor-laced trials and tribulations willplease both adults and teens.”—Booklist“Chbosky adds an upbeat ending to a tale of teenaged angst—the right combination of realismand uplift to allow it on high school reading lists.… [The protagonist] oozes with sincerity, railsagainst celebrity phoniness, and feels an extraliterary bond with his favorite writers (Harper Lee,Fitzgerald, Kerouac, Ayn Rand, etc.)… A plain-written narrative suggesting passivity, and thinkingtoo much, lead to confusion and anxiety.”—KirkusAn Amazon.com #1 Young Adult Bestseller For information regarding special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & SchusterSpecial Sales at 1-800-456-6798 or business@simonandschuster.com PERSON/A PAPER/A PROMISEby Dr. Earl Reum used with author’s permissionA PERSON/A PAPER/A PROMISE REMEMBEREDby Patrick Comeaux used with author’s permissionThis book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’simagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living ordead, is entirely coincidental.An Original Publication of MTV Books/Pocket BooksGALLERY BOOKS, a division of Simon & Schuster Inc.1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020www.SimonandSchuster.comCopyright © 1999 by Stephen ChboskyMTV Music Television and all related titles, logos, andcharacters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division ofViacom International Inc.All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any formwhatsoever.For information address Pocket Books, 1230 Avenueof the Americas, New York, NY 10020ISBN-13: 978-0-671-02734-6ISBN-10: 0-671-02734-4eISBN-13: 978-1-439-12243-3First MTV Books/Pocket Books trade paperback printing February 1999 40 39 38 37 36POCKET and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc.Art direction by Stacy Drummond and Tracy BoychukDesign by Stacy DrummondPhotography by Jason StangPrinted in the U.S.A. acknowledgmentsI just wanted to say about all those listed that there would be no book without them, and I thankthem with all of my heart.Greer Kessel HendricksHeather NeelyLea, Fred, and Stacy ChboskyRobbie ThompsonChristopher McQuarrieMargaret MehringStewart SternKate DegenhartMark McClain WilsonDavid WilcoxKate WardTim PerellJack HornerEduardo BraniffAnd finally…Dr. Earl Reum for writing a beautiful poemand Patrick Comeaux for remembering it wrong when he was 14. August 25, 1991Dear friend,I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with thatperson at that party even though you could have. Please don’t try to figure out who she is because thenyou might figure out who I am, and I really don’t want you to do that. I will call people by differentnames or generic names because I don’t want you to find me. I didn’t enclose a return address for thesame reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep withpeople even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive andappreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength andfriendship and it’s that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard.So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying tofigure out how that could be.I try to think of my family as a reason for me being this way, especially after my friend Michaelstopped going to school one day last spring and we heard Mr. Vaughn’s voice on the loudspeaker.“Boys and girls, I regret to inform you that one of our students has passed on. We will hold amemorial service for Michael Dobson during assembly this Friday.”I don’t know how news travels around school and why it is very often right. Maybe it was in thelunchroom. It’s hard to remember. But Dave with the awkward glasses told us that Michael killedhimself. His mom played bridge with one of Michael’s neighbors and they heard the gunshot.I don’t really remember much of what happened after that except that my older brother came to Mr.Vaughn’s office in my middle school and told me to stop crying. Then, he put his arm on my shoulderand told me to get it out of my system before Dad came home. We then went to eat french fries atMcDonald’s and he taught me how to play pinball. He even made a joke that because of me he got toskip an afternoon of school and asked me if I wanted to help him work on his Camaro. I guess I waspretty messy because he never let me work on his Camaro before.At the guidance counselor sessions, they asked the few of us who actually liked Michael to say afew words. I think they were afraid that some of us would try to kill ourselves or something becausethey looked very tense and one of them kept touching his beard.Bridget who is crazy said that sometimes she thought about suicide when commercials come onduring TV. She was sincere and this puzzled the guidance counselors. Carl who is nice to everyonesaid that he felt very sad, but could never kill himself because it is a sin.This one guidance counselor went through the whole group and finally came to me.“What do you think, Charlie?”What was so strange about this was the fact that I had never met this man because he was a“specialist” and he knew my name even though I wasn’t wearing a name tag like they do in openhouse.“Well, I think that Michael was a nice guy and I don’t understand why he did it. As much as I feelsad, I think that not knowing is what really bothers me.”I just reread that and it doesn’t sound like how I talk. Especially in that office because I was cryingstill. I never did stop crying.The counselor said that he suspected that Michael had “problems at home” and didn’t feel like hehad anyone to talk to. That’s maybe why he felt all alone and killed himself.Then, I started screaming at the guidance counselor that Michael could have talked to me. And Istarted crying even harder. He tried to calm me down by saying that he meant an adult like a teacher or a guidance counselor. But it didn’t work and eventually my brother came by the middle school inhis Camaro to pick me up.For the rest of the school year, the teachers treated me different and gave me better grades eventhough I didn’t get any smarter. To tell you the truth, I think I made them all nervous.Michael’s funeral was strange because his father didn’t cry. And three months later he leftMichael’s mom. At least according to Dave at lunchtime. I think about it sometimes. I wonder whatwent on in Michael’s house around dinner and TV shows. Michael never left a note or at least hisparents didn’t let anyone see it. Maybe it was “problems at home.” I wish I knew. It might make memiss him more clearly. It might have made sad sense.One thing I do know is that it makes me wonder if I have “problems at home” but it seems to methat a lot of other people have it a lot worse. Like when my sister’s first boyfriend started goingaround with another girl and my sister cried for the whole weekend.My dad said, “There are other people who have it a lot worse.”And my mom was quiet. And that was that. A month later, my sister met another boy and startedplaying happy records again. And my dad kept working. And my mom kept sweeping. And my brotherkept fixing his Camaro. That is, until he left for college at the beginning of the summer. He’s playingfootball for Penn State but he needed the summer to get his grades right to play football.I don’t think that there is a favorite kid in our family. There are three of us and I am the youngest.My brother is the oldest. He is a very good football player and likes his car. My sister is very prettyand mean to boys and she is in the middle. I get straight A’s now like my sister and that is why theyleave me alone.My mom cries a lot during TV programs. My dad works a lot and is an honest man. My Aunt Helenused to say that my dad was going to be too proud to have a midlife crisis. It took me until around nowto understand what she meant by that because he just turned forty and nothing has changed.My Aunt Helen was my favorite person in the whole world. She was my mom’s sister. She gotstraight A’s when she was a teenager and she used to give me books to read. My father said that thebooks were a little too old for me, but I liked them so he just shrugged and let me read.My Aunt Helen lived with the family for the last few years of her life because something very badhappened to her. Nobody would tell me what happened then even though I always wanted to know.When I was around seven, I stopped asking about it because I kept asking like kids always do and myAunt Helen started crying very hard.That’s when my dad slapped me, saying, “You’re hurting your aunt Helen’s feelings!” I didn’t wantto do that, so I stopped. Aunt Helen told my father not to hit me in front of her ever again and myfather said this was his house and he would do what he wanted and my mom was quiet and so were mybrother and sister.I don’t remember much more than that because I started crying really hard and after a while my dadhad my mom take me to my room. It wasn’t until much later that my mom had a few glasses of whitewine and told me what happened to her sister. Some people really do have it a lot worse than I do.They really do.I should probably go to sleep now. It’s very late. I don’t know why I wrote a lot of this down for youto read. The reason I wrote this letter is because I start high school tomorrow and I am really afraid ofgoing.Love always,CharlieSeptember 7, 1991 Dear friend,I do not like high school. The cafeteria is called the “Nutrition Center,” which is strange. There isthis one girl in my advanced english class named Susan. In middle school, Susan was very fun to bearound. She liked movies, and her brother Frank made her tapes of this great music that she sharedwith us. But over the summer she had her braces taken off, and she got a little taller and prettier andgrew breasts. Now, she acts a lot dumber in the hallways, especially when boys are around. And Ithink it’s sad because Susan doesn’t look as happy. To tell you the truth, she doesn’t like to admitshe’s in the advanced english class, and she doesn’t like to say “hi” to me in the hall anymore.When Susan was at the guidance counselor meeting about Michael, she said that Michael once toldher that she was the prettiest girl in the whole world, braces and all. Then, he asked her to “go withhim,” which was a big deal at any school. They call it “going out” in high school. And they kissed andtalked about movies, and she missed him terribly because he was her best friend.It’s funny, too, because boys and girls normally weren’t best friends around my school. But Michaeland Susan were. Kind of like my Aunt Helen and me. I’m sorry. “My Aunt Helen and I.” That’s onething I learned this week. That and more consistent punctuation.I keep quiet most of the time, and only one kid named Sean really seemed to notice me. He waitedfor me after gym class and said really immature things like how he was going to give me a “swirlie,”which is where someone sticks your head in the toilet and flushes to make your hair swirl around. Heseemed pretty unhappy as well, and I told him so. Then, he got mad and started hitting me, and I justdid the things my brother taught me to do. My brother is a very good fighter.“Go for the knees, throat, and eyes.”And I did. And I really hurt Sean. And then I started crying. And my sister had to leave her seniorhonors class and drive me home. I got called to Mr. Small’s office, but I didn’t get suspended oranything because a kid told Mr. Small the truth about the fight.“Sean started it. It was self-defense.”And it was. I just don’t understand why Sean wanted to hurt me. I didn’t do anything to him. I amvery small. That’s true. But I guess Sean didn’t know I could fight. The truth is I could have hurt hima lot worse. And maybe I should have. I thought I might have to if he came after the kid who told Mr.Small the truth, but Sean never did go after him. So, everything was forgotten.Some kids look at me strange in the hallways because I don’t decorate my locker, and I’m the onewho beat up Sean and couldn’t stop crying after he did it. I guess I’m pretty emotional.It has been very lonely because my sister is busy being the oldest one in our family. My brother isbusy being a football player at Penn State. After the training camp, his coach said that he was secondstring and that when he starts learning the system, he will be first string.My dad really hopes he will make it to the pros and play for the Steelers. My mom is just glad hegets to go to college for free because my sister doesn’t play football, and there wouldn’t be enoughmoney to send both of them. That’s why she wants me to keep working hard, so I’ll get an academicscholarship.So, that’s what I’m doing until I meet a friend here. I was hoping that the kid who told the truthcould become a friend of mine, but I think he was just being a good guy by telling.Love always,CharlieSeptember 11, 1991Dear friend, I don’t have a lot of time because my advanced english teacher assigned us a book to read, and Ilike to read books twice. Incidentally, the book is To Kill a Mockingbird. If you haven’t read it, I thinkyou should because it is very interesting. The teacher has assigned us a few chapters at a time, but I donot like to read books like that. I am halfway through the first time.Anyway, the reason I am writing to you is because I saw my brother on television. I normally don’tlike sports too much, but this was a special occasion. My mother started crying, and my father put hisarm around her shoulder, and my sister smiled, which is funny because my brother and sister alwaysfight when he’s around.But my older brother was on television, and so far, it has been the highlight of my two weeks inhigh school. I miss him terribly, which is strange, because we never really talked much when he washere. We still don’t talk, to be honest.I would tell you his position, but like I said, I would like to be anonymous to you. I hope youunderstand.Love always,CharlieSeptember 16, 1991Dear friend,I have finished To Kill a Mockingbird. It is now my favorite book of all time, but then again, Ialways think that until I read another book. My advanced english teacher asked me to call him “Bill”when we’re not in class, and he gave me another book to read. He says that I have a great skill atreading and understanding language, and he wanted me to write an essay about To Kill a Mockingbird.I mentioned this to my mom, and she asked why Bill didn’t recommend that I just take a sophomoreor junior english class. And I told her that Bill said that these were basically the same classes withmore complicated books, and that it wouldn’t help me. My mom said that she wasn’t sure and wouldtalk to him during open house. Then, she asked me to help her by washing the dishes, which I did.Honestly, I don’t like doing dishes. I like eating with my fingers and off napkins, but my sister saysthat doing so is bad for the environment. She is a part of the Earth Day Club here in high school, andthat is where she meets the boys. They are all very nice to her, and I don’t really understand whyexcept maybe the fact that she is pretty. She really is mean to these boys.One boy has it particularly hard. I won’t tell you his name. But I will tell you all about him. He hasvery nice brown hair, and he wears it long with a ponytail. I think he will regret this when he looksback on his life. He is always making mix tapes for my sister with very specific themes. One wascalled “Autumn Leaves.” He included many songs by the Smiths. He even hand-colored the cover.After the movie he rented was over, and he left, my sister gave me the tape.“Do you want this, Charlie?”I took the tape, but I felt weird about it because he had made it for her. But I listened to it. Andloved it very much. There is one song called “Asleep” that I would like you to listen to. I told mysister about it. And a week later she thanked me because when this boy asked her about the tape, shesaid exactly what I said about the song “Asleep,” and this boy was very moved by how much it meantto her. I hope this means I will be good at dating when the time comes.I should stick to the subject, though. That is what my teacher Bill tells me to do because I write kindof the way I talk. I think that is why he wants me to write that essay about To Kill a Mockingbird.This boy who likes my sister is always respectful to my parents. My mom likes him very muchbecause of this. My dad thinks he’s soft. I think that’s why my sister does what she does to him.
