the_perks_of_being_a_wallflower_-stephen_chbosky
acclaim for stephen chboskys
the perks of being a wallflower
Charlies loving instincts are very strong. Again and again throughout the book he exhibits pure
wisdom we all like to read about and witness. And Stephen Chbosky doesnt let us down. The
language is plain and springy and blunt In this culture where adolescence is a dirty word, I hope
nothing bad ever happens to this [protagonist].
LA Times
Charlie, his friends and family are palpably real [he] develops from an observant wallflower
into his own man of action. This report on his life will engage teen readers for years to come.
School Library Journal, starred review
Chbosky captures adolescent angst, confusion, and joy as Charlie reveals his innermost thoughts
while trying to discover who he is and whom he is to become. Intellectually precocious, Charlie[s]
reflections are compelling. He vacillates between full involvement in the crazy course of his life
and backing off completely. Charlie is a likeable kid whose humor-laced trials and tribulations will
please both adults and teens.
Booklist
Chbosky adds an upbeat ending to a tale of teenaged angstthe right combination of realism
and uplift to allow it on high school reading lists. [The protagonist] oozes with sincerity, rails
against celebrity phoniness, and feels an extraliterary bond with his favorite writers (Harper Lee,
Fitzgerald, Kerouac, Ayn Rand, etc.) A plain-written narrative suggesting passivity, and thinking
too much, lead to confusion and anxiety.
Kirkus
An Amazon.com #1 Young Adult Bestseller
For information regarding special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster
Special Sales at 1-800-456-6798 or business@simonandschuster.com
PERSON/A PAPER/A PROMISE
by Dr. Earl Reum used with authors permission
A PERSON/A PAPER/A PROMISE REMEMBERED
by Patrick Comeaux used with authors permission
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the authors
imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or
dead, is entirely coincidental.
An Original Publication of MTV Books/Pocket Books
GALLERY BOOKS, a division of Simon & Schuster Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
Copyright © 1999 by Stephen Chbosky
MTV Music Television and all related titles, logos, and
characters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division of
Viacom International Inc.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form
whatsoever.
For information address Pocket Books, 1230 Avenue
of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
ISBN-13: 978-0-671-02734-6
ISBN-10: 0-671-02734-4
eISBN-13: 978-1-439-12243-3
First MTV Books/Pocket Books trade paperback printing February 1999 40 39 38 37 36
POCKET and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc.
Art direction by Stacy Drummond and Tracy Boychuk
Design by Stacy Drummond
Photography by Jason Stang
Printed in the U.S.A.
For my family
acknowledgments
I just wanted to say about all those listed that there would be no book without them, and I thank
them with all of my heart.
Greer Kessel Hendricks
Heather Neely
Lea, Fred, and Stacy Chbosky
Robbie Thompson
Christopher McQuarrie
Margaret Mehring
Stewart Stern
Kate Degenhart
Mark McClain Wilson
David Wilcox
Kate Ward
Tim Perell
Jack Horner
Eduardo Braniff
And finally
Dr. Earl Reum for writing a beautiful poem
and Patrick Comeaux for remembering it wrong when he was 14.
part 1
August 25, 1991
Dear friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didnt try to sleep with that
person at that party even though you could have. Please dont try to figure out who she is because then
you might figure out who I am, and I really dont want you to do that. I will call people by different
names or generic names because I dont want you to find me. I didnt enclose a return address for the
same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesnt try to sleep with
people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.
I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and
appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and
friendship and its that simple. At least thats what Ive heard.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and Im still trying to
figure out how that could be.
I try to think of my family as a reason for me being this way, especially after my friend Michael
stopped going to school one day last spring and we heard Mr. Vaughns voice on the loudspeaker.
Boys and girls, I regret to inform you that one of our students has passed on. We will hold a
memorial service for Michael Dobson during assembly this Friday.
I dont know how news travels around school and why it is very often right. Maybe it was in the
lunchroom. Its hard to remember. But Dave with the awkward glasses told us that Michael killed
himself. His mom played bridge with one of Michaels neighbors and they heard the gunshot.
I dont really remember much of what happened after that except that my older brother came to Mr.
Vaughns office in my middle school and told me to stop crying. Then, he put his arm on my shoulder
and told me to get it out of my system before Dad came home. We then went to eat french fries at
McDonalds and he taught me how to play pinball. He even made a joke that because of me he got to
skip an afternoon of school and asked me if I wanted to help him work on his Camaro. I guess I was
pretty messy because he never let me work on his Camaro before.
At the guidance counselor sessions, they asked the few of us who actually liked Michael to say a
few words. I think they were afraid that some of us would try to kill ourselves or something because
they looked very tense and one of them kept touching his beard.
Bridget who is crazy said that sometimes she thought about suicide when commercials come on
during TV. She was sincere and this puzzled the guidance counselors. Carl who is nice to everyone
said that he felt very sad, but could never kill himself because it is a sin.
This one guidance counselor went through the whole group and finally came to me.
What do you think, Charlie?
What was so strange about this was the fact that I had never met this man because he was a
specialist and he knew my name even though I wasnt wearing a name tag like they do in open
house.
Well, I think that Michael was a nice guy and I dont understand why he did it. As much as I feel
sad, I think that not knowing is what really bothers me.
I just reread that and it doesnt sound like how I talk. Especially in that office because I was crying
still. I never did stop crying.
The counselor said that he suspected that Michael had problems at home and didnt feel like he
had anyone to talk to. Thats maybe why he felt all alone and killed himself.
Then, I started screaming at the guidance counselor that Michael could have talked to me. And I
started crying even harder. He tried to calm me down by saying that he meant an adult like a teacher
or a guidance counselor. But it didnt work and eventually my brother came by the middle school in
his Camaro to pick me up.
For the rest of the school year, the teachers treated me different and gave me better grades even
though I didnt get any smarter. To tell you the truth, I think I made them all nervous.
Michaels funeral was strange because his father didnt cry. And three months later he left
Michaels mom. At least according to Dave at lunchtime. I think about it sometimes. I wonder what
went on in Michaels house around dinner and TV shows. Michael never left a note or at least his
parents didnt let anyone see it. Maybe it was problems at home. I wish I knew. It might make me
miss him more clearly. It might have made sad sense.
One thing I do know is that it makes me wonder if I have problems at home but it seems to me
that a lot of other people have it a lot worse. Like when my sisters first boyfriend started going
around with another girl and my sister cried for the whole weekend.
My dad said, There are other people who have it a lot worse.
And my mom was quiet. And that was that. A month later, my sister met another boy and started
playing happy records again. And my dad kept working. And my mom kept sweeping. And my brother
kept fixing his Camaro. That is, until he left for college at the beginning of the summer. Hes playing
football for Penn State but he needed the summer to get his grades right to play football.
I dont think that there is a favorite kid in our family. There are three of us and I am the youngest.
My brother is the oldest. He is a very good football player and likes his car. My sister is very pretty
and mean to boys and she is in the middle. I get straight As now like my sister and that is why they
leave me alone.
My mom cries a lot during TV programs. My dad works a lot and is an honest man. My Aunt Helen
used to say that my dad was going to be too proud to have a midlife crisis. It took me until around now
to understand what she meant by that because he just turned forty and nothing has changed.
My Aunt Helen was my favorite person in the whole world. She was my moms sister. She got
straight As when she was a teenager and she used to give me books to read. My father said that the
books were a little too old for me, but I liked them so he just shrugged and let me read.
My Aunt Helen lived with the family for the last few years of her life because something very bad
happened to her. Nobody would tell me what happened then even though I always wanted to know.
When I was around seven, I stopped asking about it because I kept asking like kids always do and my
Aunt Helen started crying very hard.
Thats when my dad slapped me, saying, Youre hurting your aunt Helens feelings! I didnt want
to do that, so I stopped. Aunt Helen told my father not to hit me in front of her ever again and my
father said this was his house and he would do what he wanted and my mom was quiet and so were my
brother and sister.
I dont remember much more than that because I started crying really hard and after a while my dad
had my mom take me to my room. It wasnt until much later that my mom had a few glasses of white
wine and told me what happened to her sister. Some people really do have it a lot worse than I do.
They really do.
I should probably go to sleep now. Its very late. I dont know why I wrote a lot of this down for you
to read. The reason I wrote this letter is because I start high school tomorrow and I am really afraid of
going.
Love always,
Charlie
September 7, 1991
Dear friend,
I do not like high school. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center, which is strange. There is
this one girl in my advanced english class named Susan. In middle school, Susan was very fun to be
around. She liked movies, and her brother Frank made her tapes of this great music that she shared
with us. But over the summer she had her braces taken off, and she got a little taller and prettier and
grew breasts. Now, she acts a lot dumber in the hallways, especially when boys are around. And I
think its sad because Susan doesnt look as happy. To tell you the truth, she doesnt like to admit
shes in the advanced english class, and she doesnt like to say hi to me in the hall anymore.
When Susan was at the guidance counselor meeting about Michael, she said that Michael once told
her that she was the prettiest girl in the whole world, braces and all. Then, he asked her to go with
him, which was a big deal at any school. They call it going out in high school. And they kissed and
talked about movies, and she missed him terribly because he was her best friend.
Its funny, too, because boys and girls normally werent best friends around my school. But Michael
and Susan were. Kind of like my Aunt Helen and me. Im sorry. My Aunt Helen and I. Thats one
thing I learned this week. That and more consistent punctuation.
I keep quiet most of the time, and only one kid named Sean really seemed to notice me. He waited
for me after gym class and said really immature things like how he was going to give me a swirlie,
which is where someone sticks your head in the toilet and flushes to make your hair swirl around. He
seemed pretty unhappy as well, and I told him so. Then, he got mad and started hitting me, and I just
did the things my brother taught me to do. My brother is a very good fighter.
Go for the knees, throat, and eyes.
And I did. And I really hurt Sean. And then I started crying. And my sister had to leave her senior
honors class and drive me home. I got called to Mr. Smalls office, but I didnt get suspended or
anything because a kid told Mr. Small the truth about the fight.
Sean started it. It was self-defense.
And it was. I just dont understand why Sean wanted to hurt me. I didnt do anything to him. I am
very small. Thats true. But I guess Sean didnt know I could fight. The truth is I could have hurt him
a lot worse. And maybe I should have. I thought I might have to if he came after the kid who told Mr.
Small the truth, but Sean never did go after him. So, everything was forgotten.
Some kids look at me strange in the hallways because I dont decorate my locker, and Im the one
who beat up Sean and couldnt stop crying after he did it. I guess Im pretty emotional.
It has been very lonely because my sister is busy being the oldest one in our family. My brother is
busy being a football player at Penn State. After the training camp, his coach said that he was second
string and that when he starts learning the system, he will be first string.
My dad really hopes he will make it to the pros and play for the Steelers. My mom is just glad he
gets to go to college for free because my sister doesnt play football, and there wouldnt be enough
money to send both of them. Thats why she wants me to keep working hard, so Ill get an academic
scholarship.
So, thats what Im doing until I meet a friend here. I was hoping that the kid who told the truth
could become a friend of mine, but I think he was just being a good guy by telling.
Love always,
Charlie
September 11, 1991
Dear friend,
I dont have a lot of time because my advanced english teacher assigned us a book to read, and I
like to read books twice. Incidentally, the book is To Kill a Mockingbird. If you havent read it, I think
you should because it is very interesting. The teacher has assigned us a few chapters at a time, but I do
not like to read books like that. I am halfway through the first time.
Anyway, the reason I am writing to you is because I saw my brother on television. I normally dont
like sports too much, but this was a special occasion. My mother started crying, and my father put his
arm around her shoulder, and my sister smiled, which is funny because my brother and sister always
fight when hes around.
But my older brother was on television, and so far, it has been the highlight of my two weeks in
high school. I miss him terribly, which is strange, because we never really talked much when he was
here. We still dont talk, to be honest.
I would tell you his position, but like I said, I would like to be anonymous to you. I hope you
understand.
Love always,
Charlie
September 16, 1991
Dear friend,
I have finished To Kill a Mockingbird. It is now my favorite book of all time, but then again, I
always think that until I read another book. My advanced english teacher asked me to call him Bill
when were not in class, and he gave me another book to read. He says that I have a great skill at
reading and understanding language, and he wanted me to write an essay about To Kill a Mockingbird.
I mentioned this to my mom, and she asked why Bill didnt recommend that I just take a sophomore
or junior english class. And I told her that Bill said that these were basically the same classes with
more complicated books, and that it wouldnt help me. My mom said that she wasnt sure and would
talk to him during open house. Then, she asked me to help her by washing the dishes, which I did.
Honestly, I dont like doing dishes. I like eating with my fingers and off napkins, but my sister says
that doing so is bad for the environment. She is a part of the Earth Day Club here in high school, and
that is where she meets the boys. They are all very nice to her, and I dont really understand why
except maybe the fact that she is pretty. She really is mean to these boys.
One boy has it particularly hard. I wont tell you his name. But I will tell you all about him. He has
very nice brown hair, and he wears it long with a ponytail. I think he will regret this when he looks
back on his life. He is always making mix tapes for my sister with very specific themes. One was
called Autumn Leaves. He included many songs by the Smiths. He even hand-colored the cover.
After the movie he rented was over, and he left, my sister gave me the tape.
Do you want this, Charlie?
I took the tape, but I felt weird about it because he had made it for her. But I listened to it. And
loved it very much. There is one song called Asleep that I would like you to listen to. I told my
sister about it. And a week later she thanked me because when this boy asked her about the tape, she
said exactly what I said about the song Asleep, and this boy was very moved by how much it meant
to her. I hope this means I will be good at dating when the time comes.
I should stick to the subject, though. That is what my teacher Bill tells me to do because I write kind
of the way I talk. I think that is why he wants me to write that essay about To Kill a Mockingbird.
This boy who likes my sister is always respectful to my parents. My mom likes him very much
because of this. My dad thinks hes soft. I think thats why my sister does what she does to him.