Funny Roasts To Use During A Argument Pt.2
You and I go way back, and you’ve always been annoying. I mean, you even used to make your happy1.
meal cry.
I know our son got his brains from you because, well, I still have mine.2.
The only reason I take you everywhere with me is that I’d rather do that than kiss your ugly face goodbye.3.
I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you’re the reason God created miscarriages.4.
Give me a minute; I’m trying to think of an insult that’s dumb enough for you to understand.5.
I’m not saying you’re ugly, but the reason nobody wants to sleep with you is that they don’t want to be6.
prosecuted for animal abuse.
You’ve got so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.7.
I know it looks like I’m listening to you, but really I’m just visualizing duck tape over your mouth.8.
The only way you’d get hurt from doing exercise would be if you sprained your finger, changing the9.
channel.
It’s a parents job to raise their children right. So looking at you, it’s no wonder your dad quit after just10.
one day.
You’re like the first slice of bread in a loaf. You get touched by everybody but wanted by none.11.
I would explain all of these roasts to you, but I forgot to bring you an English to dumbass dictionary.12.
I’m not saying you’re a commitment-phobe, but baby, my phone battery lasts longer than your13.
relationships
It must be fun to wake up each morning knowing that you are that much closer to achieving your dreams14.
of complete and utter mediocrity.
Accidents happen; the proof is sitting right there.15.
You’re so irritating you should come with a warning label16.
Whenever you open your mouth, it’s like, ‘Woah, somebody took too many drugs this morning.’17.
Every day I hope you get your chapstick confused with a glue stick so I can get a bit of peace and quiet.18.
You’re like the human version of athlete’s foot – annoying and hard to get rid of.19.
I’m not saying you’re ugly, but my baby’s diaper rash is nicer to look at.20.
We’ve been best friends a long time, but you’re the reason they put external use only on shampoo21.
bottles.
I bet I could remove 90% of your good looks with a moist towelette.22.
It’s not that I don’t listen to you when you talk. It’s just that there is only so much stupid information I can23.
process in one go.
Everybody brings happiness to a room. You just do it when you leave.24.
You remind me of a cloud; when you disappear, my day gets that much brighter.25.
Light travels faster than sound. This must be why you appear bright until you open your mouth.26.
It must be tough to accept that even Donald Trump is more intelligent than you are.27.
Walls may have ears, but count yourself lucky they don’t have mouths because all they would do is laugh28.
at you.
When I look at you, I can’t help but wonder, how the hell were you the fastest sperm?29.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face might very well be a cure for cancer.30.
I think I found your purpose in life… to be an organ donor.31.
I’m not saying you’re dumb but a glowstick has a brighter future than you do32.
I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.33.
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?34.
You are so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous.35.
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?36.
You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.37.
The truth will set you free. You suck. Ok, you’re free to go38.
Being a dick to me won’t make yours bigger.39.
Large and in charge is not a synonym for being a fat asshole.40.