Longest roast ever (No cap)
in California, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that
won't go away. A zit on the butt of society. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You are a end and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased
just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid
chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest
contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big
suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the euvia and oal accompanying
your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-
drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a
malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. Because o
your face the rabbit population actually decreased. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a
fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class eort at simulating one.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon nding it
rancid set you loose to y briey before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble
blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, at and unprotable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting.
You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly
pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
You are a waste of esh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a
leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-
handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are decient in all that lends character. You have the
personality of wallpaper. You are dank and lthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all
unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so
stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole dierent dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid
stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense
that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in
one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our
universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid.
Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we
know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a
while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about
unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these
are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of
mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who nd these things more
dicult. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on
you.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious,
loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist,
sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-
righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless,
illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative,
paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive,
malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stiing, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-
spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, agrant, self-destructive, abusive,
socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
The end