Religion for Non-religious people
! October 10, 2014 By Tim Urban
How Religion Got in the Way
For all those readers frustrated with the late posts, Why I Can’t Post On Time.
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“Wash your face before bed so the angels will come down and kiss you while you sleep.”
That’s what my grandmother told me when I was a child staying over at her house. I was about five
years old, and not only did this information from a trusted authority not faze me, it was a very standard
sort of thing for someone to tell me.
I was the first child in a have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too Reform Jewish family who also did Christmas and
Easter. Being born into that situation set me up to be told the following:
Once a year, an obese middle-aged man breaks into our house in the least e!cient way possible,
leaves a bunch of wrapped gifts for me, and then instead of just walking out the door, decides to
work his way back up the chimney, where he’s then carried o" by a group of large, wingless, flying
mammals to do the same thing over a billion other times in a span of a few hours
On Passover, an invisible man breaks into the house silently while we’re all eating because he
wants to drink a small glass of wine
That same week, a 10-foot-tall sentient rabbit breaks into the house, possibly by morphing
through the wall, and puts a bunch of chocolate eggs that he laid all over the place for no
apparent reason
When one of my teeth falls out, if I put it under my pillow, a flying woman will break into my
bedroom while I’m sleeping and buy the tooth from me for an amount of her choosing
Let’s add in that no one ever explained that fiction exists, so I assumed that all Sesame Street
creatures were actual biological things that existed in the wild
So flying people breaking into my room to molest me while I slept because I washed my face? Fuckin
sure, why not. It was a totally ordinary thing to happen—this exact kind of shit happened constantly in
my world.
All this information came as part of the same orientation that taught me English, told me what shapes
and colors were and how to poop, and explained that it’s bad to stare at really short adults.
It was a lot of information, but I was handling it well, when suddenly I was hit with a disturbing twist. I
began to be told, about certain parts of my reality, “Oh yeah no that’s totally false.” Wait. What? I’m a
complete amateur at this, and busting my ass trying to gain knowledge and skills, and they’ve been
fucking with me? Not only that, I learn that all the fun things are fake and all the mundane things are
real.
The more questions I asked, the more of a mindfuck this huge web of lies turned out to be. Dragons are
fake but dinosaurs are real. Kings and princesses are real but wizards and fairies are fake. Disney World
is real but not Sesame Street. Farm animals do exist but they’re disgusting, base creatures who act and
look nothing like they do in fiction. Pirates and Indians are both real but in much less cartoony and
racist ways than I’m used to, while witches and ghosts are fake altogether. Touching a toad doesn’t give
me warts, my eyes won’t get stuck if I cross them, and no, Michael Dukakis is not a viable candidate
despite his 20-1 landslide victory in my first grade classroom poll.
Only able to trust myself from then on, I created two buckets in my brain for “fake” and “real” and
started dropping all new information into one or the other.
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If there was anything without a clear bucket, I asked someone about it, and one day I asked my dad
about God. “Some people believe in God and others don’t, and everyone has to make that decision for
themselves.” Yeah nope. Clear fake bucket answer. And from then on, I was an atheist. To seven-year-
old Tim, this wasn’t any bolder than saying I was an a-Santa-ist or an a-fairies-ist—I had become cynical
about all things that seemed out-of-this world after so many had been revealed to be fake. I developed
an “If it seems too fun to be true, it is” rule, and why was there any reason to assess God di"erently
than all the other supernatural characters?
The only thing that was confusing was why my dad hadn’t just come out and admitted that God was
fake like he had with so many other things. Why had he been weird about it?
This became even more perplexing as I got older. The “If it seems too fun to be true, it is” rule had
hardened into a complete rejection of anything that didn’t fit with the laws of nature. Every single life
experience I had had backed this up, so why would I ever question it? And the world agreed with me—
with one exception. Most of the Jews I knew believed in God. So did most of the Christians. People older,
wiser, and smarter than me believed. Even people who weren’t totally convinced seemed uncomfortable
talking about it. I found very few people who would just say, “Of course I don’t believe in God.”
Why was everyone being so weird about this?
What the hell was going on?
The more I learned, the more I realized my whole country disagreed with me—I’d read that 96% of
Americans believed in God, 90% believed in Heaven, 73% believed in Hell, almost half believed in the
Bible literally—talking snake, Noah’s Ark, people living to like 200, etc.—and 61% believed that “a
democracy cannot survive without a widespread belief in God or a Supreme Being.” I learned that the
deeply religious even included a number of science-minded geniuses like Isaac Newton. Meanwhile,
atheist was a bad thing to be, something derogatory, something to keep your mouth shut about,
especially if you ever wanted to run for o!ce.
What started as an earnest frustration that I couldn’t understand so many other people’s core
inspirational force turned into total shutdown on the subject by college. Anything having to do with the
world of the supernatural—God, higher powers, spirituality—was
not for me. As for Judaism, I happily
joined the family for holidays, ate the chocolate coins, and became skilled at eating Chinese food with
chopsticks, but the Torah? Not interested. On top of my rejection of divinity, I didn’t like the way
organized religions behaved. Where I saw science being humble, collaborative, constantly under
revision, and forward-marching, I saw religion being arrogant, divisive, hostile to change, and obsessed
with the past. I graduated college as a staunch atheist with the kind of arrogance only a 21-year-old has
the naiveté to feel.
What I missed at the time is that “atheist” isn’t something. It’s just “not something.” By declaring myself
an atheist and calling it a day, I was basing my whole spiritual identity on what I
wasn’t. Yes, I’m an
atheist, but I’m also not from Uganda. If someone asked me where I’m from, answering “Not Uganda”
would be unhelpful. Likewise, if my only spiritual identity is, “I don’t believe in the divine components of
the world’s large, ancient religions,” that makes me a spiritual nothing.
At the time, of course, I saw no problem with being a spiritual nothing. Spirituality was for religious
people, and I was a science guy, so who cared anyway?
What I didn’t realize is that I had inadvertently flushed down the toilet a critical part of the human
growth experience.
________________
What Is Spirituality?
There’s almost no word ickier than
spirituality. It’s vague, amorphous, somehow very annoying, and it
manages to turn o" both the religious and the non-religious. And if you gather five people who all say
they’re actually fond of spirituality, they’ll be defining the term in five di"erent ways.
So what exactly is spirituality, as we’re using the word today, and what do we need from it?
Ever since the human species began opening its eyes into consciousness, it has been an aggressively
curious child, hungry to figure it all out. What was this world it was living in, and what did it all mean?
The first part of that question—What was this world?—became the job of science. The second part—
What does it all mean?—is the job of spirituality.
Science is what we know, and spirituality is how we coexist philosophically, psychologically and
emotionally with that knowledge. Science gives us the information; spirituality helps us wrap our heads
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around it. The two lead us as a tag team, each taking care of their critical halves of the “figuring it all
out” puzzle—when science tells us something shocking, like “The Earth is revolving around the sun and
not vice versa!” we turn, wide-eyed, to spirituality and ask, “How does that change things? How does
that transform the way we should think about ourselves, about the world, and about life?”
Under this definition, spirituality is a secular concept, and the idea that spirituality and science are
diametrically opposed to each other is incorrect—they’re two halves of the same quest. As usual, Carl
Sagan says it best:
“Spirit” comes from the Latin word “to breathe.” What we breathe is air, which is certainly
matter, however thin. Despite usage to the contrary, there is no necessary implication in
the word “spiritual” that we are talking of anything other than matter (including the matter
of which the brain is made), or anything outside the realm of science…Science is not only
compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality. When we recognize our
place in an immensity of light years and in the passage of ages, when we grasp the
intricacy, beauty and subtlety of life, then that soaring feeling, that sense of elation and
humility combined, is surely spiritual…The notion that science and spirituality are
somehow mutually exclusive does a disservice to both.
As humanity continues to learn, science and spirituality should be collaborative, innovative, and forever
marching forward in a state of continual evolution as new developments emerge. Science opens
pathways for humans to reach higher levels of consciousness and wisdom, but only through the
spiritual realm can we grow into those pathways.
On a day-to-day level, one of the greatest challenges facing most humans is the quest to avoid living in
an unconscious fog—this fog is where you are when you make big life decisions for small-minded
reasons, when you short-sightedly side-step your own integrity, when you continually prioritize the
wrong things over the right things, settle for mediocrity out of fear, or waste huge amounts of your
precious time procrastinating. And this is one issue science can’t help with—an unconscious fog can
only be combated through spiritual growth.
Defined this way, not only is spirituality an acceptable and desirable realm to have in our lives, it is
vital
in order for humans to grow, thrive, and take fullest advantage of their brain power.
So why is spiritual growth given so little serious attention in today’s world? What happened to that half
of our exploration that spirituality is supposed to cover?
Maybe this: